A crestfallen wordsmith who’s been stirred but not shaken I am sometimes overtaken with an urge to find and purge the words that surge through my mind demanding to be indexed
          What words today I ask my self the one that’s above on the top shelf have come this time to blight us? Another booketload of words some hard to say others quite absurd that end with the suffix itis.
          A knee-jerk reflex deflects this ridiculous request to make a fist and write a list of words that are beyond ludicrous which is to say ridonkulous. Just because I have no reason not to doesn’t mean I ought to or that I should do or could do or if I had the inclination and the inspiration to do would do… Maybe I’m crazy. Yes, maybe you are… or maybe just too lazy to pick up a pen again and waste time transcribing words that end in itis (are we the victim of Excusitis?) when this is a time for imbibing: drinking, not thinking, relaxing doing nothing taxing, dribbling not scribbling.
          For all I know – you know I don’t know much at all – and have a mental disorder that leaves me stranded on the border separating one state from the other and there may indeed be a need for me to take heed the germination of the seed of a notion that proposes the motion that it can be labeled and I can be fabled as one of the few sadly and surviving badly with the malady of Indexingitis.
          I can’t see the benefit or the sense in it nor hear the rhyme or reason. Resistance has been hit and I give in and up and out and shout as I resign knowing it’s a crime of treason. In time. Out of season.
          More words come now to cause insight and enlight us:
          What is it called when your lungs feel all bald?
         
Bronchitis.
          And what is the name of skin all aflame?
         
Of course, it’s Dermatitis! More sore than – or, to be witty, I’ll go as far as to say pretty – though it isn’t, it’s very unpleasant. It is known to the prone as acute Appendicitis. And what’s more even more so and more sore than when a small claw is stuck in your craw.
          What could be shite-er than to shine less brighter as you fight against Lexiconitis? I s’pose if I had to guesstimate – I’d agree to decree it detritus – and so you can see it would have to be at my best guess – what one could call Estimatitis.
          Of course we should be o‘penned-eyed enough to ensure the list stays pure and doesn’t show signs of words out of line or symptoms of any of the above or below (which comes next) in the ailments indexed. Could be instead, ailment’s gone to our head, and we’re suffering with Tonsilitis! But, then again, it could just be a big dose of being verbose and struggling with a heavy load of Literary-Elephantitis!
          I’m not sure (Surenessitis?) but there are many more words that include (not suffering Limiteditis) the itis 4 letter ending. It’s mind-bending, nearly. Clearly, I would love it dearly (saying it while smiling) that, if you believe you have ones you can spare or want to share (the former or the latter) in the department of the suffix called itis please oh do be do beguiling be. Dare let us know that you care about our predicament in this matter and write us. Don’t contemplate, act now before it’s too late, do it right away free from delay and without the slightest hint of Hesititis!
          Answers on a postcard to: The Crestfallen Wordsmith

                                      The Library Hospital

                                      Ward 9: Sufferers of Meningitis

                                      Padded Cell Way

                                      Dublin (followed by a digit, right, Gus?)

 

 

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