This is the first part of the final instalment of Doug’s Facebook conversations with a number of born-again-christians. It is useful to note that, having had many previous conversations (especially with Chucky) about the notion of a creator (specifically the one they have chosen), Doug attempts a new strategy to make his points clear.
No matter how many times Doug plainly stated that he was once a christian himself, had read the bible many times, and came to the conclusion that there is no god or devil, no heaven or hell, he was contradicted and called a liar. Being a the kind of dog he is, he found their way of debating/conversing/communicating both insulting and childish.
So, he decided to fight fire with fire and pulled out all the stops in his attempts to lower himself to their level and be as insulting and childish as he could manage. The results (if you are not overly offended by the use of swear words) are hilarious… and somewhat startling. No matter what Doug said, these guys just didn’t know when to quit or how to change the way they spoke to him and the threats they continuously made.
I have since banned Doug from debating with god-believers on my Facebook page and he is now in training to be a stand-up comedian.
NB: The names of the god-believers in these final instalments have been changed to protect the moronic!
NBB: Doug was only joking when he talked about snorting coke and having sex-orgies with a group of bitches. Doug has been clean and sobre for the last four years and his happily married. One day, he and his wife hope to have a few pups and start their own canine family.
Chucky: M’r:9:47: And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire: You can rip the eye out of the perverted all day but only God can rip the perversion out of the perverted.
Gary: Amen, lest you would simply end up with a blind pervert!
Doug: What if your tongue offends me? Shall I pluck it out? Has your fairy-tale god ripped the perversion out of you yet, Chucky? :0)
Sampson: Don’t confuse the Biblical use of “offend,” Doug. It doesn’t mean “offensive,” but rather “to sin against.”
Doug: How presumptuous of you, Mr Sampson, to assume I do not know the difference. You must be a born-again-christian because, in my experience, the ones I have had the displeasure to have met all came across as self-righteous, arrogant assholes… and it sounds like you are one of those, too, am I wrong? Just so you know, I was born-again and have read the bible more times than you’ve said stupid things. I grew up, learned to think for myself and grew out of it. Maybe, if you think for yourself, you may one day too! I’ll pray to my master for you, if you like.
Chucky: Doug, You never grew out of it because you were never in it.
You must be born again! The bible clearly describes your characteristics in that you were a false believer.
Doug: There you go – more ignorant, arrogant assertion of bullshit! I think I know my life better than you do, Chuckyboy. I will not argue with someone acting like a moron. You want to talk? Happy to do so as long as you refrain from childish and incorrect contradiction. You think you can do that?
Chucky: If you want me to agree with you? No Sir.
Doug: Agree with me? I have no idea what you are talking about! The bible is full of erroneous information, contradiction, stupidity… just like you, Chuck! I wonder, is that where you got the characteristics of a fucktard asshole, or did you take them from your fairy-tale book?
Chucky: God is going to throw you in hell one day. You are going to spend eternity in torment because of your foolishness
Doug: Emm… wrong again. Wait – maybe not! Perhaps I am already there because I can think of no worse torment than trying to communicate with you. You’re like a pathetic little boy with your silly little threats. If there was a hell, Chuck, I’d gladly go there to avoid having to spend eternity with a twit like you and a twat like god!
Chucky: Yes you would probably hate heaven. Hanging out with christian in the preasence of God.
Jeffrey: How amazing is this… A person jumps a thread, and attacks other peoples religion while pondering offenses against himself. He then accuses others of presumption while using the most assumptive of terms… “You must be”, “You are all”, “It… sounds like” etc… You must be a very wise man Chuck. If this man read the Bible 100 times, then you have said fewer then 100 stupid things in you life time. I was passed 100 when I was 4 years old. I tip my hat to ya… 🙂 The code of the “New Atheist”. 1) Believe there is no God. 2) Hate Him anyway.
Doug: You got that right, Chuckyboy! Having to listen to you sycophantic whining maggots as you grovel to god for the crumbs of his favors forever! When the day comes, as it surely will, that the bubble of delusion you live in POPS! you are going to have to get the two brain cells you have left to work together. Right now they just seem to be waving goodbye to each other.
Chucky: I would hate heaven too if it wasn’t for the grace of God. You need to repent and trust in Jesus.
Doug: What a complete prick this Jeff fucktard is! Talk about presuming. Chuck and I have been ‘enjoying’ conversations like this for some time now and I have gotten to know him, Jeff, thank you very much. You, I already know and PWN!. Now, why don’t you suck Chucks tiny weiner while he reads passages about hell to you from the bible? You are so mentally retarded that you do not understand that you, like me, are an atheist. You do not believe in the thousands of gods that preceded the one that’s now in favor in your little part of the planet. I’m just one god ahead of you. Now, go and play with the other kids and stay out of the seriousness business us adults are getting on with, ‘mmmmkay? Kay!
Sampson: Doug, I didn’t insult you – it’s beyond me why you would want to insult me. I was making a simple distinction between the meaning of the text, and the understanding of the terminology you provided.
If you left the body of Christ, it’s because you weren’t in it to begin with: 1 John 2:19, “They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.”
Nobody can be born-again, and then not born-again. As Christ said in John 6:39, “And this is the Father’s will which hath sent me, that of all which he hath given me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up again at the last day.”
Jesus cannot lose anybody that was given to him of the Father. So as 1 John 2:19 points out, if you aren’t with the body of Christ, it’s because you were never with the body of Christ.
This isn’t arrogance, this is the Word of God. If you reject God’s Word, your world view will make absolutely no sense. I’d be willing to demonstrate that to you if you can speak to me like an adult, with respect, and not littering our interactions with insults.
Doug: You’re very existence insults me! Your self-righteous and ludicrous assumption that if I do not understand the way you do or believe the way you do that I don’t understand. Why? Because GOD SAID SO! What is it with maggots like you who set themselves up to pretend they know anything when they clearly know nothing about anything.
Judgemental little bigots like you are some of the fuel for the stupid beliefs that inform the behaviours of bullies and end in the deaths of innocent young men who happen to be homosexual, or providing the much needed service of abortion to women who – with their own set of circumstances – decide that they need one.
I don’t give a flying fuck if you believe that I was born again or not, you gimp-minded twat-faced git. Being able to quote the bible at me doesn’t make you look smart (with a face like yours, nothing could) it just makes you sound like a brainless parrot! Now, get on your knees and suck it – and beg the holy ghost to help you keep your true identity repressed. Of course, he will not because he does not exist and if he did he’d just be a no-good lying sack of shit like the other two he claims to be, goo-googa-joob!
Am I getting through, Sampson? I see right through your vacant little heart and dirty little soul. Time to get back in the closet and turn the light out and pull the covers up to your chin and hope the big scary hairy old devil don’t gitchooo! He’ll fuck you like he fucks the ball-less god you fear so much. Making sense? No? Didn’t think so. It would take some intellect to get any kind of grasp… and you lost yours a long time ago. Whhhoooofffff! ;0)
Chucky: Doug, One day your bubble of elusion will be popped and you will fear God.
Isa:25:7: And he will destroy in this mountain the face of the covering cast over all people, and the vail that is spread over all nations.
Psalms:102:15: So the heathen shall fear the name of the LORD, and all the kings of the earth thy glory.
Psalms:33:8: Let all the earth fear the LORD: let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him.
Psalms:64:9: And all men shall fear, and shall declare the work of God; for they shall wisely consider of his doing.
Bobby: So many like this dog, Doug, actually believe they had a born again experience, and use that to launch their hate campaign. I think the fact that God didn’t meet their fairytale expectations of wish granter, that they then decided to judge him unworthy to grant them anything.
The bitterness comes from seeing him grant his true children blessings, while ignoring the pleas of the unredeemed.
You sir have never been born again. You would know, and we most definitely would know by your words alone.
Doug: Goddamn! You two slaves just don’t get it, do you? Okay, you need lots of repetition, right? I know the bible better than you know each others penises. Why do you waste your time quoting it to me? I don’t believe in your malevolent, evil, capricious god. Most people who do not suffer with mental delusion do not believe in your god. If your bible was right – I’d be fearing this asshole, right? Well, I don’t. Because he’s about as real as your pretence to be heterosexual.
One more time – in big letters so you get it: I DENY THE HOLY GHOST, JESUS AND GOD. THEY DO NOT EXIST. IF THEY DID, I WOULD LOCK THEM UP FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY.
I mean, come on, look what they’ve done to you worthless, robotic, moronic, demonic suckers of satan’s cock!! Read it over twenty times and let it sink in. If you waste my time with any more scripture you’ll only be proving my point. Now, go put on your sisters underwear and let Jon pee on you, kay?
Chucky: The Lord rebuke you.
Bobby: Make that 3 Doug, I agree with Chuck and Sampson. Well, at least you admitted there is a hell, which must also mean you believe in a heaven. One may further assume then, that you also believe in a heaven creator since neither that nor hell could spontaneously create itself. Having gone that far, and knowing heaven is created by God, you must further conclude that he exists. What was your point again?
Chucky: Doug you are trapped in bondage by your sins to your father the devil. You need to repent and believe the Gospel if you want to be saved.
Doug: D’uh, Bob… you might want to reread what I wrote, it’s all there. I do not and cannot hate god because it doesn’t exist. I hate the way you fuckers are so self-righteous, judgemental and mentally defective because you are a danger to yourself and others. Innocent people are tormented because of the bullshit you stand for. Go on, keep deluding yourself that those who don’t believe in your pathetic god are jealous that he didn’t shine his light on them. Makes you feel special, don’t it? Anywhere you can get that strong desire to feel special you’ll go there. Now, go away and suck Chuck and Jon’s willy-winkies and get that special feeling of validation you so desperately crave, you maggot faeces!
(tbc…)
© 2010 Doug The D’Awg